Suggested
Reading
We carefully selected a variety of books on the subject from the operational, detailing steps to take to be successful with online dating, to the more analytical providing some context behind the process. Finally we included the very inciteful Mars and Venus relationship from the reknowned relationship counselor John Gray Ph.D. series Authors range from people who have used online dating services to successfully find their partners to a variety of therapists and advising on the subject. Once you are ready, try our #1 Choice recomended services.
Meet
Me Online
by: Lauren Conley, Jeff Bierman - $8.95
| Everybody knows about "those people" who meet their dates on the Internet, right? They're either freaks or computer nerds, and no one in their right mind would go out with anyone from a personal ad. Admit it, at one time or another you've thought, "They must be pretty desperate!" The truth is, the Internet is an amazing resource that allows some of the most well-educated, intelligent and personable singles to meet and develop quality relationships. Whether you are a computer novice or a dedicated surfer, this guide will take you through the process in a step-by-step, logical fashion laced with humor and practical advice. With more than two million personals members each year, the Internet offers the largest and most comprehensive opportunity to develop the relationship you've always wanted. What are you waiting for? |
Online
Dating Survival Guide by:
Karen Adams, Kate Crenshaw - $11.95
Mars
& Venus on a Date by: John Gray, Ph.D - $6.29
|
If John Gray's bestseller, "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus", helped readers understand and communicate effectively with their spouses, then this new book will help their relationships become even more exciting and intimate. With "Mars and Venus Together Forever" readers can create a lasting intimacy that will only grow richer with time. Includes a new chapter on renewing vows and celebrating the marriage day. |
| The antinomy of Mars and Venus, of masculine aggression and feminine absorption, of masculine flame and feminine smoldering, is apt when discussing the differences in men's and women's sexual response that underlie all Gray's advice on sustaining satisfying sexual relations. Also underlying his counsel, and making this guide different from many others as well as appealing to the new moral conservatism of the 1990s, are his endorsement of monogamy and his repeated assertion that "great sex is God's gift." In accordance with those emphases, Gray writes not so much of the "mechanics of sex" as of the "mechanics of making sure you have sex," and his chapters bear titles such as "The Joy of Quickies" and "How to Rekindle the Passion" as well as the more expected "How to Drive a Woman Wild with Pleasure." Gray's a plain, even pedestrian, writer, capable of talking about sex in a manner neither lubricious nor clinical. |
Let's face it. Reading a relationship book will not mend a broken heart or fix a relationship that needs a major overhaul.
Books don't work! People in the relationship have to do the work.
A relationship book can offer tips, suggestions, old ideas expressed new ways, perhaps even a few new thoughts and if you are reading with an open mind; a mind that is ready to change its way of thinking, you might even find the inspiration to begin to reinvent the relationship you have to make it better.
By the way, smart people do not wait until their relationship is taking a dive before they do something about it. Preventive maintenance works. They read. They attend personal growth seminars together. They learn to talk so their partner will want to listen and they actually begin to LISTEN to what their partner is saying. It is a continuing process; one that should never have an end.
Unless both partners are willing to make some changes about the way they are being in the relationship, generally speaking the relationship will either continue in its "do nothing" rut or one partner will outgrow the other and eventually leave.
How sad to do nothing and allow the relationship to suffocate and die a slow agonizing death; both being miserable all the while and each partner remaining too stubborn to be the first one to take a step in the right direction. That's called stupid! You must both take the first step while you are still afraid.
All the tips and suggestions about relationships in all the relationship books you can read will not change a thing. Words alone cannot change anything. It takes action. Unless you are inspired to do something different; unless you change your way of being in a relationship your relationship will not get better. Simply reading a book won't do it.
Does this mean that there is no hope? The answer is no. The hope lies in being willing to take what you read to heart and then doing the work necessary to make the relationship a healthy one.
Relationships are something that you must work on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed. Many times we turn to books at a time of crisis. Often this is too late.
What happens when your partner will not read a book with you? Let me put it this way, it is a far better thing to be working on your relationship alone than to do nothing and allow your partner to pull you down to their level.
"But," you say, "how can the relationship get better if I am the only one working on it?" The overall relationship you have together may or may not improve, however your own attitude about it will. This alone is a positive step in the right direction.
You cannot make someone else do something that they do not want to do and expect good results. Until most people recognize the benefits of working together on the relationship, nothing happens.
Remember this: The most important relationship you have is the relationship you have with yourself. Often when couples are together they forget to continue to take care of themselves thinking and hoping that either their partner will do this for them or that if they work much harder on the relationship everything will be okay. Wrong!
You must take care of yourself. Put yourself first. Your partners responsibility is to do the same. TOGETHER you take care of the relationship. A partner who neglects their own well being is demonstrating disrepect for the relationship.
Your partner cannot possibly know what is best for YOUR well being as well as you, therefore it is YOUR responsibility to take care of you. The same is true for your partner. Two broken people cannot fix each other or the relationship.
Working and reading together is the key. Respecting your partner and the relationship enough to study the psychology of having a healthy love realtionship together must be your highest priority.
When you work together as a team, great things begin to happen. Learning to be a support to your partner in the relationship can work miracles. Lending a helping hand; offering to go the extra mile; walking hand-in-hand, together and being your partner's best friend in the process is certainly a much better option than doing nothing.
Let's get back to the business of getting the most from reading a relationship book. . . together.
First of all, head for the local office supply store and buy two colored highlighters. Why two? Because the best way to benefit from reading a relationship book is to read it together.
While YOU are reading it, mark the passages that are important to you with a bright YELLOW highlighter. Then give the book to your love partner requesting that he or she do the same, marking important passages as they read with a light BLUE highlighter.
Why? Because when there are areas in the book that are important to BOTH of you and the highlighters overlay, you will see GREEN. Yellow and blue make green. When you see green this time, it does not mean envy! Green means "Go!" It means these are the areas of the relationship that are important to both of you.
It is always a good idea to begin with areas that you agree upon. Knowing where you stand and what you both hold to be valuable to the relationship is a must. Some couples never stop long enough to consider how important this kind of information can be.
Next. . . take some time to carefully review the passages your partner has marked with their own color; make notes of what is important to him or her. These are the areas of the relationship that need your careful attention. Do your best to focus on what is important to you and to your partner. You need to know what is essential for your partner's happiness and to care enough to do your best to provide it.
The next step is to openly and honestly discuss what you have read TOGETHER! What you cannot talk about keeps you stuck! Make a new agreement to talk about anything and everything all the time. Make it a promise you both keep. It may be one of the most difficult promises to keep, however the benefits are worth it.
Caution ~ Resist the urge to mark the passages you KNOW your love partner NEEDS to read. When the student is ready, the teacher appears! Let the teacher be the book. . . not you. Let your love partner read and get from the book what he or she needs to learn. It rarely helps to push your own stuff on someone else. It often only causes resentment or drives a person further away.
By the way, any reluctance or refusal by your love partner to FULLY participate in WORKING TOGETHER on your relationship, regardless of the way you BOTH choose to do that (counseling, attending relationship & personal development seminars together, implementing this idea of reading and discussing the relationship book together, etc.), is a RED FLAG!!!
If this is the case, therapy is always a wise choice. Copyright © MCMXCIX - Larry James.
Putting
Your Heart Online by: Nancy Capulet - $18.95