Personal
AD-vice
The
key to online dating introductions is writing a good personal Ad. This section
provides some important and specific advice to both men and women. Pointers
on how to write and respond to an online ad as well as an example of a highly
successful ad are provided.
Click
any of the selections above to go immediately to that section
General
Rules of Writing a Great Personal Ad
For
a moment, imagine that you've been invited to a party, at which there will be
many available, interesting men and women. How would you present yourself: angry,
wearing your heart on your sleeve, dressed in a ratty sweatshirt? Of course
not! You'd put on your best face, dress elegantly and be witty and charming
and friendly, right? Well, those are the "secrets" to writing a good personal
ad. It's about showing off your best attributes. Here are 12 ways to translate
your best self into words on a page:
DO set the mood: Choose a time and place where you're relaxed to start
writing your profile. Turn on music you enjoy, pour yourself a glass of wine
or cup of tea, get in a good mood; the pleasant way you feel will be reflected
in what you write.
DO write all your thoughts
down before posting them online or in a paper: Organize your words, edit,
rewrite, and spell and grammar-check it. You may meet your life partner this
way; isn't it worth an extra few minutes to get it right?
DO show your personal style:
Your eccentricities help paint an accurate picture of yourself. If you talk
in a stream-of-consciousness style, let that show in your profile. If you
have a wacky sense of humor, exhibit it.
DO put your heart in it:
Share your feelings and experiences, not just facts about your life. You don't
want your profile to be a touchy-feely pile of mush (can you hear your potential
dates heading for the door?), but you do want to communicate things people
can relate to: where you're from, where you are, where you're going in life,
what makes you laugh, things you really enjoy about life.
DO try
to communicate these three attributes:
your senses of humor, integrity and self-confidence. These are characteristics
people most look for in a mate. A word of caution: Don't confuse self-confidence
with boasting or sounding egotistical. Temper your lists of accomplishments
with signals that you don't take yourself too seriously.
DO
include a photo: On Match.Com, profiles accompanied by a photo have four
to five times as many responses as those that don't. Choose a photo in which
you're alone (one with your ex is a big NO-NO), smiling, well-lit and looking
good. Don't use a photo in which you're dressed too revealingly -- you want
to look elegant and alluring, but a picture of you in a bikini is going to
attract the wrong kind of responses.
DON'T
work on your profile when you're feeling down: If you've just gotten shot
down at work, are having a bad-hair day or feel fat, that's going to color
the way you portray yourself. Wait a day or two until you're feeling better.
DON'T
overthink it: You want your profile to reflect who you are, not some imaginary
being you think people will be more attracted to. Your profile should have
life to it; avoid letting it get flat and lacking in personality.
DON'T
give negative details: Rambling on about your insane ex, your last visit
to the therapist or how you hate men who can't commit is a turn-off in an
ad, just as it is in person.
DON'T
fixate on only one aspect of your life: You may love your dog, have a
great career, live to ski, and those are great things to talk about in your
profile. But if you talk about that and only that, you're going to come off
as one-dimensional and obsessed. Show your fully rounded self.
DON'T
give a laundry list: Just listing all the details about your life, or
the type of mate you're looking for, is boring.
DON'T
think that once you've posted your profile, that's it: You can tweak and
improve your profile as you go along. If you're getting the type of responses
you're looking for, great. If you're getting responses from the wrong types
of people or not getting as many responses as you'd like, then review your
profile and think about how you can improve it and make yourself shine a little
bit more. We don't get many "do-overs" in life; take advantage of them when
they pop up.
Men's Ad
Writing Advice
The most frequent complaints
men share about internet dating are that women don't respond to their ads or
their e.mail. You can avoid both these problems by following a few simple guidelines
while writing both your free ad and your responses to womens' ads. So here is
how to write an effective ad.
BE HONEST.
The fastest way to ruin what might have been a beautiful friendship is to
lie. Hide the fact that you are a single father of 5 year-old triplets, and
miss a chance to find the woman who wants to love them and share your parental
joys. Dishonesty
will always be caught sooner or later. Allow others to make informed decisions
about what they will and will not accept, based on an honest representation
of yourself. As
a fit person you would likely be disappointed to learn that the woman you've
been writing for the last month weighs 250 pounds, and not 125 as stated.
She will feel likewise to learn you are not who you represented yourself to
be! Be truthful
and avoid the pain, heartache, disappointment and separation caused by dishonesty.
Open yourself to incredible happiness by allowing others to love you as you
are, for who you are.
CREATE
A 'GRABBER'.
A 'grabber' is an attention-getting headline which stands out above the rest
and demands to be read. There are many, many 'DWM's, 44, seeking love' out
there. Be different, even if you ARE a 'DWM, 44, seeking love'. Check
out the competition. What attracts your attention to their ads? Note those
which stand out have clarity and are original, personal, and direct. What
can you say about yourself in a single sentence which makes you irresistible
to the opposite sex? If
you truly seek love and long-term commitment, comments here about length,
size and shape of 'physical' attributes are a turn-off to women who seek men
of intellectual, emotional, and spiritual substance. Pornographic headlines
are not accepted into the database. If you are well-endowed.... with a fabulous
sense of humour, use it! Nothing attracts so quickly as laughter and goodwill.
BE
SPECIFIC.
You know who you are and what you want..tell them about it! Almost everyone
seems to enjoy 'moonlit walks, candlelight dinners, and strolls on the beach'.
Be specific about values held and sought, in addition to naming hobbies and
interests. If you know your soulmate is a Buddhist, say so. If you are adamant
about remaining childless, convey that too. State your willingness to travel.
The woman in Paris may not respond when she notes you live in Rio, if you
fail to mention that geographic location is no barrier. What is your personal
mantra? Share it. The woman who understands and appreciates it best, is the
one who will reply.
BE
POSITIVE.
Let your natural exuberance and zest for life shine through in your writing.
Negativity repels. You may elicit an offer from a counselling service if you
project a woebegone, or suicidal attitude, but you probably won't attract
your soulmate.
BEST
FOOT FORWARD.
You wouldn't (hopefully) show up on a first date unwashed and unkempt, would
you? Likewise, if your spelling skills are somewhat lacking, consult a dictionary
before submitting your otherwise artfully crafted and well-thought-out ad.
BE
HONEST, BE HONEST, BE HONEST.
One aspect which
cannot be over-stated!!
Women:
Ad Writing Advice
Ladies, prepare to be deluged
with more suitors than you ever dreamed possible. The Internet is still male-dominated,
and this time, that's to your advantage! While men may need step by step pointers
our focus in this section is advising you around a very successful ad written
by a woman which garnered much attention and response from the type of partners
she sought.
Certain facts about men
and women are not going to change. Men will look first for a pretty face, is
one of them. So, if you are looking for a man who is interested in you... your
mind, heart and spirit, in addition to your gorgeous mug, then your ad must
be crafted to attract the type of man you seek.
Take a look at this example
of a real personal ad which garnered several hundred responses in a few short
months:
"A classic
Sag, born in a pig year, I am happy to be me, and this site IS 'under construction'
each and every day. Happiness is being in the moment, and having health, peace
of mind and love. Breathing is very, very good, so are flexibility and movement.
Joy is found everywhere...in family, friends, work, and play; snowflakes,
clouds and mountains; bears, birds, trees and flowers; really fine Belgian
truffles and an occassional black lager. Ecstacy will be connecting and becoming
one with you.
You understand
what I said above, who I am, what I want. You know who you are and what you
want. You set goals and achieve what you want. You are fit, active, and intelligent.
You enjoy a rewarding & challenging career.You embrace the dark as well as
the light. You feel and express emotion freely and with sensitivity. You refuse
to carry another's emotional baggage, and yet are empathetic. You speak honestly
and act with integrity. You compromise only what you do, not who you are.
You love yourself and want to share your wants and needs with a partner.
The light
within shines in your eyes and you are radiant in every way. So am I. Let's
connect."
Most of the respondees
the writer considered 'qualified'. They were happy, fit, intelligent, emotionally
mature, spiritual, consciously-aware professionals... exactly what she wanted.
Notice that she described herself first. Knowing that compatibility is essential
to successful relationships, she then described a man with a personaility profile
similar to hers.
Who are you and what do
you want? Think about it. Make a list of everything that is important to you.
This may take some time, but its worth spending. A few hours, days or even weeks
is a mere blip in the overall scheme of things when compared to spending years
in misery with an incompatible man, or a lifetime with your soulmate. Opt for
the latter and do your homework!
Create a 'grabber',
a single line, designed to attract attention to your ad. Avoid the typical,
mundane 'DWF, 44, seeks partner'....you and four million others fit this description.
Humour works well. Scan other ads and see which ones attract your attention.
Men: Responding
to a Woman's Ad
There
are lots of kind, caring, loving and beautiful women out there, and one
of them is waiting for you! Be empathetic and intelligent in your responses
to them. Here are some guidleines to follow:
SAY SOMETHING. The following e-mail was chuckled at and hit the bin
in record time. 'Hi, my name is Sparky. I like your attitude. Tell me more.'
Go beyond standard bar 'pick-up' lines.
SPEAK TO HER DIRECTLY. Some men craft "form e-mail", and
send it to numerous women. Form letter recipients are usually unimpressed
by lack of effort, and you probably won't hear back from them. Speak directly
to what she said in her ad. Note and compliment what you thought interesting,
funny or entertaining. Tell her if you meet her 'qualifications' and why.
MORE INFORMATION. Share more personal information about yourself
than contained in your ad.
MAILBOX NUMBER. Include your personal ad mailbox number so she can
check out your description, mug and voice. She'll respond that much sooner!
BE PATIENT AND PERSISTENT. Women lead busy lives! She might be out
of town, her ISP server down, the computer crashed, or snowed under by kids
and business paperwork for a week after you write. Wait awhile, then write
back, mention your first e-mail, and include the fact that you are really
interested in her.
BE POLITE and POSITIVE 'Hi, my name is Bob. Write back if you're not
a liar or a thief'. The recipient prefered to be considered a liar and a thief
than respond to this negative approach.
GOOD WISHES. A closing statement conveying best wishes whether she
chooses to respond to your e-mail or not, speaks volumes about the sender.
It may be the one nice thing she has heard all day, and enough to generate
a response for you!
and
remember, it never hurts to have that added bit of extra protection
